Reading the credits crawling up the screen after watching Harry Potter, H.E. and I remark on the names and job titles.

HE: Stunt secretary. You’d be perfect for that.

Me [imagining self leaping four-story file cabinets, whipping phone cords around the necks of villianous clients, and shooting stapleguns at evil bosses while racing around office desks]: Oh, yeah. I could totally do that.

HE: I mean, because of your clumsiness. I can see you stumbling around the office, knocking yourself out while filing.

Me: (Gasp.) That’s not nice!

[Long pause.]

HE: Of course, a stunt secretary is really just a secretary for the stunt department.

Me: Oh … well, that’s boring.

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