V is for Vitch

V is for Vitch

I used to want to be a writer. As a result, I’d eavesdrop on conversations and write them down as dialogue research and writing practice. My best subject was always my sister, whose conversations were always off the wall.

Today, I found one of my notebooks from over ten years ago, with notes I took after overhearing my sister’s phone conversation with one of her friends. Would you like a peek? Here it is:

“Name?”
“Vergara.”
“What’s that?”
“Vergara.”
“Can you spell it for me please?”
“V—E—R—G—A—R—A.”
“B?”
“What?”
“B? Is it B—E—R—G—A—R—A?”
“V.”
“V?”
“V.” (Except it sounded like she said B.)
“So which is it? V or B?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, B? Or yes, V?”
“Yes, V.”
“V or B? As in what?”
“V… as in Vergara.”
“Yes, I know that. Does Vergara or Bergara (whatever it is) start with V or B?”
“V! Damn it! V!”
“As in what?!”
“Vergara!”
“Besides that! V or B as in what?!”
“V! V as in Venus, damn you! As in victory, vain, vicious, voluptuous! V! V! V as in vitch!”

(pause)

“V as in vitch?”
“Yeah. V. V as in vitch.”

(pause)
(pause)
(pause)

“Okay… thank you.”

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