Single-Celled Animals (and Married Ones, Too)

Single-Celled Animals (and Married Ones, Too)

I don’t have a cell phone, but I’ve been wanting one for a while. The only thing that stops me from getting a cell phone is that I don’t actually need one—yet. And even if I did have one, I’d probably only use it in emergencies. Still, it’s nice to dream. I have a beautiful new handbag with a pocket specifically for storing a cell phone, and I always tell myself that I will actually use the bag when or if I ever get a cell phone to put in it.

So, given my lack of experience with cell phones, it’s safe to say that I understand very little about living with one or even interacting with people who use cell phones everyday. Consequently, I always tend to look like a dork when in the same room with a long-time, heavily-using cell phone owner.

I have a good excuse, though! Cell phones have gotten so small and light these days, and so high-tech, it’s hard to tell when a cell phone owner is busy on the phone. Earlier today, the web programmer sent me a joke that reminded me of something I’ve done more than once.

I would be standing in a line at a grocery store, minding my own business, when some stranger next to me will start talking out of the blue.

“Hi! How are you?”

At this, I smile and say, “Great, thanks! And you?”

The stranger then looks at me in an odd way and continues. “I’m good. I’m making lasagna tonight. What do you have planned?”

“Uh,” I would always manage, “a movie, I guess.”

Of course, that is typically when the stranger frowns at me. “How about coming over to my place for dinner instead?” And at that point, right when I’m about to exclaim “What?!…” the stranger will usually shake his head at me, with an even bigger frown on his face, and turn rudely away, hunching over and talking to his hand in softer tones.

And that’s when I realize that he’s been talking to someone on his cell phone, and not to me.

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9 thoughts on “Single-Celled Animals (and Married Ones, Too)

  1. Uh April, those aren’t fellow cititzens talking on cellphones. Nor are they government agents with cellphones implanted in their hands.

    You see, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but your entire life is nothing but a Twilight Zone episode. We’re all trying to drive you insane slowly.

    Each one of us has been instructed to take turns, pretending to talk to our hands, or into pieces of plastic we call “cellphones”.

    Eventually we hope you’ll attempt to buy one, at which point we’ll switch to a newer technology, leaving you to wonder why you “can never hear out of this damn thing!”

  2. I’ve got to admit it, Dave. You do drive me insane.

    Minnie, uh,… [checking for phone] Great, thanks! And you?

  3. lol

    That’s like the people with the headsets for the their cell phones. I see them all the time… walking down the sidewalk, driving in their cars, sitting in the park… talking to *themselves*! (At least that’s what it looks like.)

  4. Yikes. If I ever catch myself with a headset and cellphone, I’ll know I’m on the phone far too much.

  5. *static*

    "May I take your order?"

    "Drive around to the second window please."

    Those headphones always seem like too much to me. People are "creatures" that overdo everything.

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