I’ve settled into a nice routine with social media. The novelty and the eagerness that naturally came with embracing it again has worn off, and I now only tweet, gram, or snap when I have something to say or show. Granted, I try to have something to say or show on a regular basis, but I no longer spend a lot of time consuming as much as I can of other people’s tweets, grams, or snaps to get a full sense of the atmosphere.

In fact, I’ve actually started unfollowing a few people on Snapchat — mainly those whose stories I found myself skipping anyway. I dropped the plastic surgeon Dr. Miami pretty quickly because I didn’t have the stomach to watch people’s butts getting sliced up for Thanksgiving dinner, and I dropped the famous pimple popping doctor because I kept getting grossed out by all the stuff they kept squeezing out; seriously, how are their YouTube videos so popular? I also dropped a lot of the DJs because all they snapped were concerts and night clubs in action which, even if I were into that sort of thing, don’t look or sound all that great over a phone screen and speaker anyway; what exactly are the videographers hoping to accomplish here?

I’ll probably unfollow many others whose snaps have started to wear on me — not their fault, really, but since I did start following over 150 people at once, it got to be a little much to keep watching everything they each put out. I mean, there’s got to be a limit to what a person can take of Paris Hilton snapping endless selfies and her tiny dogs running around in their two-story doggy mansion with a balcony overlooking the pool (I swear they live better than I do). So, it seems, now that I’ve gorged myself on quantity, I’m ready to start focusing on quality and follow only those people I really, really like. I’ll likely end up unfollowing still more — for instance, people who invite engagement from others without even acknowledging said engagement.

There have been a few of those.

With some, it’s understandable. High-listed celebrities, I’m sure, are constantly bombarded by fans; no one expects them to respond to all bids of attention from their very huge audiences, and the smart ones have closed off the option for people to contact them directly anyway, to help cut down on the noise. As a result, their social media presence is merely a window into their lives so their fans can feel connected and up to date. The open ones let people actually contact them in some ways, however, and if they’re especially nice, they may even respond to people with likes or comments.

But then there are those who aren’t celebrities outside of their chosen social media app, those who are perhaps influencers or who are simply just popular in social media. Social media made them; they live and die by it. Their main goal is to continue to grow their audience and build whatever empire they imagine. So when they don’t acknowledge when their audience engages with them, it’s something else entirely.

For instance, I’ve sent text messages a few times to influencers, in response to something in their Snapchat story — I’d simply swipe up to “chat” and type something. Sometimes it was to answer a question they posed. Other times it was to let them know that I found something they said or did particularly funny or good. A couple of those times, my “chat” was never even opened for viewing.

I repeat: never even opened.

These are not actual celebrities, mind you. Just the “influencers.”

Why bother leaving that option open (for people to send a “chat” response to your story snap), when you’re not even going to bother looking at what people send you? I don’t get it. I do not get it. Are they really too busy or bombarded to bother? Or do they just want to appear so?

And I guess that contributed to my slight social media fatigue, the degradation of the unbounded enthusiasm I had when I started to jump into it again a month or so ago. It was an epiphany that if I wasn’t careful, I’d fall into that dangerous need that all big social media influencers seem to have — that need for validation in an ever growing number of followers. Or, in my case, the need to be acknowledged by those who need validation in an ever growing number of followers.

I’m the sort of person who loses interest in people who have absolutely no interest in me at all and who then continue to demonstrate it. It is a major turn off when people don’t care what I have to say, even if it has to do with them; I find myself looking elsewhere, because for me it’s about authenticity and connection. In the past, when I found myself getting too big an audience to truly connect with people, I went private and only broadcasted to actual friends.

Back in the day, when blogging and tweeting were new, people were excited about the new media, so everyone responded positively to nearly everything, and everyone engaged with everyone else; everyone became friends to everyone. It was like falling in love — each probing question or comment from one person led to more probing questions and comments from another person, also link referrals, glowing personal recommendations, collaborations, et cetera, et cetera.

Then the people who decided to take advantage of all that — the marketers, the spammers, the trolls, etc. — kind of ruined it for everyone, so I can understand why the atmosphere changed, why people were less willing to vouch for or acknowledge others unless those others were paying sponsors or actual close friends. I get it. I do.

But the vibe is now a little bit like the vibe surrounding dating apps.

I read recently about The Rise of Dating-App Fatigue, about how the dating apps are no longer shiny new toys and how they are now more frustrating than fun, and there’s a lot of truth in that for social media apps as well. More and more, it takes a lot more work to get anything really good out of it. It’s like most anything now; you have to do a lot to cut the wheat from the chaff.

Part of what causes that is the sheer number of choices out there — the sheer number of people you can read, follow, watch, or whatever. And everyone is always trying to gain a bigger slice of the pie, new followers, new fans. It is less about the quality of a connection and more about the quantity of connections. As a result, no one really deeply follows any one or two people. Instead, they follow thousands of people or seek to have thousands of people follow them. They figure there’s something even more entertaining on another channel and move on right away — like channel surfing.

Speaking of which, I’ve always found channel surfing exasperating. It’s something some guys seem to like doing; they can’t stick with one channel and have to see what else is on, as there might be something better somewhere else — kind of how many of them approach dating, come to think of it — but the end result is that they don’t get the complete immersion in one good show that really keeps them engaged for the long-term, following full plot lines and character arcs, enjoying a complete and deep experience, whether it’s an entire episode or six seasons of episodes.

But that’s enough of that tangent.

The point is, no one really invests in the few connections they have any more, and rather than cultivate what they have in hand, they seek more and bigger and better and wider. They ask, what else can I get? How else can I grow in popularity? Who else can I add to my ranks of followers? And they end up ignoring what they do have in their quest to acquire what they don’t already have. Quantity, not quality.

I don’t blame them, and I don’t judge. There is power in numbers. Enormous power. That’s how many of those influencers got sponsored. That’s how they were able to give up their day jobs and go full-time into social media influencing, entertaining, storytelling, or what-have-you. They have their own goals, and those goals may not necessarily include connecting on some truly meaningful level with the people who avidly watch and enjoy what they do.

So … because those people would rather invest in acquiring more acquaintances than further invest in existing acquaintances — me, for example — I will no longer be investing my time with them either.

I give as good as I get, and I have better things to do with my time.

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