{"id":94,"date":"2002-10-07T22:20:29","date_gmt":"2002-10-08T06:20:29","guid":{"rendered":"\/?p=94"},"modified":"2007-07-23T22:21:16","modified_gmt":"2007-07-24T06:21:16","slug":"series-illness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/?p=94","title":{"rendered":"Series Illness"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever heard the saying so sick you don’t know which end to put at the toilet<\/a>? Yeah, well I had that this morning after a bit of rice pudding with raisins. The rice pudding was fine last night, but this morning it tasted a bit like it had sour cream in it, and now I know why. It wasn’t any good, and my stomach rebelled.<\/p>\n

I almost didn’t go to work today, but after sweating bullets<\/strike> glowing like crazy<\/a> and ejecting the rice pudding out of both my ears, I collapsed on the bed, slept a while, and woke up an hour or two later feeling fine. Yes, fine. So I went to work.<\/p>\n

Later, Human Encyclopedia called to make sure I was okay. I told him I was starving, which was expected, since I expelled my entire breakfast and dessert to whatever hell food goes. So I went and had lunch, and when Human Encyclopedia called up again to check up on me, the conversation went as follows:<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> How do you feel?<\/p>\n

April:<\/b> Okay.<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> How was lunch?<\/p>\n

April:<\/b> Okay.<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> You didn’t like your lunch?<\/p>\n

April:<\/b> It was okay. I wasn’t that hungry.<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> Last time we talked, you said you were starving.<\/p>\n

April:<\/b> Well, yes, I was, but I was afraid to eat anything. Consequently, the food made me feel a little uneasy.<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> [using his television\/radio broadcast voice] In the last episode of “A Young Woman’s Life,” April felt a little ill…<\/p>\n

[Here, Human Encyclopedia continues his long spiel from some imaginary tv show; i.e.—he is making fun of me, my illness, and my fickle ways. It was okay by me, really. I was only half-paying attention anyway.]<\/p>\n

April:<\/b> What? What are you talking about?<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> I’m talking about the series that is Life.<\/p>\n

April:<\/b> Are you series? What do you mean?<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> [in his best “come on, don’t you get it” voice] I mean the television show that I’m watching, the one that stars a young woman and her cat.<\/p>\n

April:<\/b> Come on. Will you be series?<\/p>\n

[Pause. Cue choir of angels singing as he finally gets what I’m saying.]<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> Oh, God. She hit me with a punchline. I’m bleeding. I’m bleeding! She hit me with a punchline!<\/p>\n

April:<\/b> Oh, why won’t you take me series-ly?!<\/p>\n

H.E.:<\/b> Aaarrgh!<\/p>\nShare this post:

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Have you ever heard the saying so sick you don’t know which end to put at the toilet? Yeah, well I had that this morning after a bit of rice pudding with raisins. The rice pudding was fine last night, but this morning it tasted a bit like it had sour cream in it, and now I know why. It wasn’t any good, and my stomach rebelled. I almost didn’t go to work today, but after sweating bullets glowing like…<\/p>\n

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