{"id":60,"date":"2002-07-29T23:30:40","date_gmt":"2002-07-30T07:30:40","guid":{"rendered":"\/?p=60"},"modified":"2007-03-28T17:01:28","modified_gmt":"2007-03-29T01:01:28","slug":"dilbert-culligan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/?p=60","title":{"rendered":"Dilbert & Culligan"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yeah, I’m surrounded by comedians.<\/p>\n

At work, I get the web programmer greeting me with a smile and a “Hey! How’s my favorite girl in the art department today?”<\/p>\n

I always smile back and tell him, “Great! But I’m the only<\/i> girl in the art department.”<\/p>\n

“Well, that’s why you’re my favorite!”<\/p>\n

After work, it’s a little bit different. The human encyclopedia likes to water down familiar songs by singing them with twisted lyrics:<\/p>\n

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you’re young and hard…<\/a><\/p>\n

Fairies, too, can get tail, and it’s often on sale on the boulevard…<\/a><\/p>\n

Yank my doodle, it’s a dandy…<\/a><\/p>\n

Nothing could be finer than to be in your vagina in the morning.
\nNothing could be sweeter than my sweetie when I eat her in the morning…<\/a><\/p>\n

It’s gotten to the point where I’ve<\/i> started messing with lyrics whenever I’m in the mood to sing. I once got so sick and tired of God Bless America<\/a> that I started singing, “God Bless Angelica, dame that I love.”<\/p>\n

Too bad we never think to write these down. There were plenty of other twisted songs that have passed through our lips (“Afghanistan” for Oklahoma<\/a>, for instance, or “My God will beat up your God” for Hava Nagila<\/a>), but we forgot them soon afterwards because they were improvisations uttered merely in fun.<\/p>\n

It’s a good idea to know the meaning of whatever alternative lyrics you’re using, though. The human encyclopedia once told me about a man who “sucked a barrel,” and not realizing that it meant the man committed suicide by shooting a gun into his mouth, I started singing Go suck a barrel, we’ll have a barrel of fun<\/a> like the idiot that I am.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, my singing outburst was met with an awkward silence. Tough crowd, huh?<\/p>\n

I guess I don’t do very well as a comedic word man. I get my foot stuck in my mouth.<\/p>\nShare this post:

\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"tumblr\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"tumblr\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yeah, I’m surrounded by comedians. At work, I get the web programmer greeting me with a smile and a “Hey! How’s my favorite girl in the art department today?” I always smile back and tell him, “Great! But I’m the only girl in the art department.” “Well, that’s why you’re my favorite!” After work, it’s a little bit different. The human encyclopedia likes to water down familiar songs by singing them with twisted lyrics: Fairy tales can come true, it…<\/p>\n

Read More Read More<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-60","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mondegreens"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=60"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=60"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=60"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=60"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}