{"id":341,"date":"2004-08-31T23:27:38","date_gmt":"2004-09-01T07:27:38","guid":{"rendered":"\/?p=341"},"modified":"2005-09-23T08:44:20","modified_gmt":"2005-09-23T16:44:20","slug":"whore-moans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/?p=341","title":{"rendered":"Whore Moans"},"content":{"rendered":"

Some days, I think guys have all the luck. Not that I’m complaining—at least not more than usual. I know all too well that I should be grateful for the prescription that tricks my body every month so that I’m not feverish, breaking out in a cold sweat, vomiting, or suffering The Cramps From Hell. But after years of relative comfort and bliss, I suddenly feel like I’m 60 years old and menopausal.<\/p>\n

In other words, why the hell am I getting migraines, hot flashes, and night sweats?<\/p>\n

Last night, I had one of the most uncomfortable nights in a long while. I went to bed with a migraine and woke up in the middle of the night with an even bigger migraine. I was hot, I was sleeping in the wet spot, and unfortunately that state of affairs was not a result of whore-like activity; that state of affairs was a result of my hormonal body stopping just short of spontaneous combustion.<\/p>\n

I don’t get it. I used to be the sort of person who was always cold. My extremities were always degrees colder than room temperature—it’s true! I used to stick my cold dead feet in nice warm places, and people would scream bloody murder until I pulled my feet back again. Once, during a heat wave, everyone around me was shedding clothes and drinking ice water while I walked around in a mock turtleneck and chilly hands.<\/p>\n

Heck, H.E. would joke that if the power ever went out, forget the fridge, all I had to do to keep the food nice and cool was put my hands on it. He’d even joke that I was a cold-blooded creature and that next time, he was getting a girl with blood! One who didn’t make his balls shrivel up and die whenever she put her feet between his legs.<\/p>\n

I did have blood though, and I was warm in places—between my legs, primarily. And to keep my hands warm, well … hey, don’t look at me like that; I had to keep them warm somehow!<\/p>\n

But now … now my hands are so warm that all I really want to do with them is flap them silly. Even typing is too much activity. My fingers are burning up, the fingertips throbbing a bit from the pulse, the blood engorging every extremity I have—even my hairs. Oh, goodness. My hair is so hot.<\/p>\n

I am so hot, so very, very hot. If I end up never having posted the tutorials I promised, or even ever again, please know that I have spontaneously combusted, drowned in my sweat while I slept, or died of heat stroke and utter dehydration.<\/p>\n

Menopausal at 31 years old. H.E. is always telling me I’m ahead of my time. Well, in this case, I am definitely a prodigy.<\/p>\nShare this post:

\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"tumblr\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"tumblr\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some days, I think guys have all the luck. Not that I’m complaining—at least not more than usual. I know all too well that I should be grateful for the prescription that tricks my body every month so that I’m not feverish, breaking out in a cold sweat, vomiting, or suffering The Cramps From Hell. But after years of relative comfort and bliss, I suddenly feel like I’m 60 years old and menopausal. In other words, why the hell am…<\/p>\n

Read More Read More<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-341","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=341"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=341"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=341"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}