{"id":253,"date":"2003-09-11T23:47:53","date_gmt":"2003-09-12T07:47:53","guid":{"rendered":"\/?p=253"},"modified":"2005-09-23T08:45:55","modified_gmt":"2005-09-23T16:45:55","slug":"so-much-to-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.aprilgem.com\/log\/?p=253","title":{"rendered":"So Much To Say"},"content":{"rendered":"

Some days I just have so much to say, to share, and I just can’t for the life of me let it out. It’s like having a conversation with a non-stop talker, and even though you have the perfect story to add to the conversation, so relevant, so on point and so appropriate for the situation, a little bit poignant and a little bit humorous, you just can’t get a word in edgewise. Yeah. Like that—only, in this case, there’s no one talking and you’re completely free to speak. Everyone’s ready and waiting to listen and hear something so relevant, so on point, and so appropriate for the situation; there they sit, expectant, their butts on the edge of their seats and their eyes in that mildly interested and curious expression to show that they care about what you have to say, but—<\/p>\n

How do you begin? What do you say? Will it matter in the end? And you wait, you ponder all these questions and wonder if it’s even worth it, and you say to yourself, yes, yes it does and it’s so effing brilliant that you have<\/i> to share, until you’ve managed to build it up so much in your head that you’ve lost the momentum for it anyway. There’s no way, just no way that I can say it well enough to justify all that pointless thinking and rethinking of the subject. There’s no way I can meet my own blown-up expectations. I will tire myself out if I even try, so why try?<\/p>\n

Well, that—that’s what I’m going through. That’s the busy little train going around in circles in my head, and I can’t make it stop. I can’t make it go straight to some destination, or at least around and around some specific topic. I have so much to say, and all of it requires energy that I just don’t have because I’ve been wasting my time thinking and rethinking about it, trying to decide which of them all is most worthy.<\/p>\n

I don’t even know how I’ve managed to write this little bit, these few paragraphs, such as they are, these words that mean nothing.<\/p>\n

Oh, God.<\/p>\n

No, wait. There is no way I can post this. This should not even see the light of day. I have to rethink it. I have to trash it and start over again. I have to nail down a topic and—<\/p>\n

Screw it. Why bother? I just have too much to say, so much that needs to be said because it’s so relevant, so on point, so appropriate for the situation, and here I am…<\/p>\n

I haven’t said a word of it.<\/p>\nShare this post:

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Some days I just have so much to say, to share, and I just can’t for the life of me let it out. It’s like having a conversation with a non-stop talker, and even though you have the perfect story to add to the conversation, so relevant, so on point and so appropriate for the situation, a little bit poignant and a little bit humorous, you just can’t get a word in edgewise. Yeah. Like that—only, in this case, there’s…<\/p>\n

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