In a land full of mystery, magic, and mist,
In a time oh so long, long ago,
There were creatures like unicorns, ogres and trolls.
There were creatures above and below.
Below, there were brownies and fairies and elves,
Tiny people with magic for might.
There were dwarves who worked mines in the deepest of caves.
There were zombies who walked through the night.
In the forest were nymphs who were souls of the trees,
Running naked like babes when they danced.
The trunks ‘neath the leaves of the trees were their home,
And they served as the nymphs’ underpants.
In the sky up above were the dragons and ghosts,
Nightmare steeds flying high through the air.
There were creatures of flight, and those of the night,
And balahas, too, which were rare.
Yes, all through the land and the sky were these creatures,
As strange and as grand as they seem.
They were all quite content, when there weren’t any wars,
Famines, plagues, or a drought in their streams.
There was someone, however, who was sad as can be.
He was different in shape, size, and form;
For this he was taunted and daunted and teased,
Just because he was not like the norm.
His name, my dear children, was Gregor the Griffin,
A creature quite strange to the sight:
Tail and legs of a lion in back, and in front—
An eagle, with wings made for flight.
His ma was a lion, an eagle his pa,
So he looked kind of odd so to say,
And the nemean lions and ‘manthian boars
All made fun of him e-ve-ry-day.
This made Gregor the Griffin as sad as a kitten
Cub lost in the woods without aid,
‘Til Gregor the Griffin got mad as a spittin’
Hag cursin’ with potions she’s made.
For “Lookee you-hoo,” they would say with a sneer.
“Ain’t like us all who know who we are.
With those wings like your pa and a tail like your ma,
You’re as mixed up as all those cen-taurs!”
Then Gregor the Griffin was always a-bitten
‘Til he cried out “Ow!” or “Hey-you!”
He’d get down to fightin’ and bitin’ and clawin’
‘Til all of the others cried, too.
So Gregor the Griffin was always a-tiffin’
With other young creatures his age.
He did quite a-lot-in of bitin’ ‘n’ clawin’
As though fightin’ was all the new rage.
To tell you the truth, he was sadder than sad
‘Cause no matter the place he was at,
He was different as different; that’s plain as can be,
‘Less of course, you’re as blind as a bat.
On the ground were the nemean lions, of course.
Strong and black, and all lions so pure.
Erymanthian boars were boars to the core—
Of their heritage, all was so sure.
And up in the sky were the dragons and eagles
And rocs, those immense birds of prey.
All had sisters and brothers, who looked like the others.
They had such fun whenever they played.
Those gnomes, and trolls, and yetis, oh my!
All were terrible, terribly so.
Yet they had their families; they fit in so nicely.
Did Gregor the Griffin? Oh, no!
His pa was an eagle; he kept to the sky.
He flew all around and around.
His ma was a lion who loved her son’s father,
But always kept close to the ground.
So Gregor the Griffin was always a-snifflin’
‘Cause nobody liked him too much.
He was part of one world and yet part of another,
Thus part of no world then as such.
And Gregor the Griffin set his mind to a-thinkin’
‘Bout leavin’ his strange cave-nest home.
Ma’s friends didn’t like him, and neither did Pa’s,
So he thought he’d just go out and roam.
He discovered a place called Antlantis, and there
He met tritons—half fish and half man.
There were makaras, mermaids, and nagas, too.
Many lived half in sea, half on land.
Then Gregor the Griffin met Mick Manticore,
With a lion-like torso like his.
But Mick had big wings like a bat, and a tail
That was spiked, and a face just like this—GRRR!
He met Chickie the Chimera, who was stranger than Mick,
With forelegs and head like his ma.
He had Mick’s bat-wings and a long serpent’s tail,
And some hooves to add to his paws.
The hooves were like goats’ hooves, but that isn’t all;
There’s something much odder than that.
Chuckie, how lucky, had a couple more heads,
Which is great if you like wearing hats.
So Gregor the Griffin, he learned a strange lesson:
There were others much stranger than he.
Like him they were outcast for not fitting in,
On land, in sky, or in sea.
So he made many friends with the creatures who felt
Oh, so lonely, as lonely can be,
The satyrs, the centaurs, and malataurs, too,
The zephyrs, and all the were-beasts.
And after much searchin’, our dear little griffin,
He even found someone like him,
A beautiful young’un named Glenda the Griffin,
Who kissed him one day on a whim.
So don’t you go thinkin’ that Gregor the Griffin
Died a lonely old creature one day,
For Gregor the Griffin was soon quite a-smitten
With Glenda the Griffin in May.
The two happy griffins were wed, and the fixin’s
Were handled by all their new friends,
And all of their children were griffins, of course,
So no one was lonely again.
[N.B.—Human Encyclopedia actually likes this piece a lot and is somewhat dismayed that I would post this online, so he would like for me to stress that this is copyrighted material. Yes, that’s right. Copyright © 1996-2003 by April Garnett E. Martinez, but you already knew that. So… link to it if you like it, but don’t copy it; H.E. is very large, has a lot of lawyer friends, and is super-duper-protective of me and my creative work. There. I hope that makes him happy. Don’t piss him off, okay? Thanks.]Share this post: